


Heroin

by horansparkle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry is a dick, Louis is kind of a dick too, M/M, Narry angst, Niall is too forgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 21:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4581147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horansparkle/pseuds/horansparkle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall and Harry have a real disfunctional relationship</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heroin

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a look into my life but romantized lmao

Niall had had it. This was the forth time, the forth time he screwed him over, and he was so sick of it, so tired. He looked like a fool, like someone who was depended on him, he looked like someone who was so attached he would take all this shit. Well not anymore. He was done with pain and getting his hopes up, he was done with this feeling, this... this in between. He was just so done. 

He and Harry made plans, for Friday, which was today. He hasn't heard from him since Tuesday.

The two went to different schools, had different friends and different hobbies. They knew each other from primary school, and when they were twenty and went to the same party, Harry had given his number and told Niall he should text him, which he did. In primary school he had this huge crush on Harry, and now he looked even better.

They texted day and night, talking about nothing and everything, about things that didn't matter and things that did. Harry had let him know that he liked Niall, liked him since primary, and Niall couldn't be happier. School was going well, he had great friends, he sort of had Harry. Life was going well, and he enjoyed every second.

Niall really thought Harry was it. Was it for him. Harry understood him, he could talk to him, he could laugh with him, cry with him. He liked him, maybe even loved him.

Their first date was a classic movie date, and Niall didn't even felt nervous. Harry had greeted him with a smile and walked to the theatre from the train platform, where Harry had been waiting for him. They talked and laughed and when the movie came on, Niall had grabbed his hand. After a while, Harry had let go and Niall felt stupid, but Harry just smiled and they watched the film in silence. When the movie was over, Harry had walked with Niall to the train, where he left him with a simple wave. A bit disappointment he didn't get a kiss or even a hug, but happy anyway because he saw Harry, he got on the train back home.

And after that, all contact just stopped. Niall had no idea why, but was hurt and felt like Harry, for whatever reason that may be, didn't want him anymore. He was upset about it, but he got the support of his friends and moved on. Or at least tried to.

And after a few months, Harry started texting him like there wasn't a radio silence for the longest time and called him 'love' and 'dear', and because Niall still liked him he went with it. He hadn't told his friends, knowing he would get shit for it. He tried to forget Harry had left him hanging, and for a while, he did.

Until it happened again.

Weirdly enough, Niall somewhat saw it coming and wasn't as hurt as the first time. He felt stupid moreso, but that didn't stop him from letting it happen a third and forth time.

They had plans to go for some drinks tonight, but yesterday someone asked if he could work, and he said yes. He knew Harry didn't suddenly started speaking, so here he was, waiting tables, feeling... not as hurt as he should be. He actually was angry, with himself. He couldn't believe he bought Harry's shit again, he thought he was better than this. How many times had Zayn come to him with a broken heart because of that dick Louis, and told him the right things to do? Why couldn't he follow his own advise? He felt like such a pathetic loser.

He stood behind the bar, preparing some drinks for table two, when the door opened. And of fucking course, Harry's best friend had to walk in. Of fucking course.

Liam walked up to him and frowned.

"Aren't you supposed to be at Harry's?" He asked. Liam wasn't a bad guy, just very, very clueless. Unfortunately for him, Niall was in a shit mood and didn't care.

"Aren't you supposed to mind your own business?" He snapped, and faked a smile to serve table two. Liam had sat down with his girlfriend and waited for someone to help them. Niall sure as hell wasn't gonna do it.

"Josh, could you maybe serve table eleven?" He whispered. Josh nodded without asking any further questions, and Niall was glad. Just a few more hours and he was off, and he wondered if Harry had texted him, but actually knew the answer to that would be a no.

He felt Liam's eyes on him the whole time, and it was annoying and nerve-wrecking at the same time. He was sure he had seen him texting someone at some point, which wasn't only rude towards his girlfried because he was on a date but also towards Niall becauae he was almost sure he was texting Harry but he wasn't sure and the thought made him squirm. 

When his shift was over he wrote down his hours, got rid off his apron and raced his way out of the restaurant, without giving Liam a second look. He walked over to his bike - he really needed to get a car soon - and checked his phone for any texts, just in case. But just like he expected, no texts from Harry. That didn't take away the numbness he was feeling. Of course Harry hadn't texted him, when would he? He was mad, mad at himself, mad at Harry, mad at everything. Mad at hope, mad at love, mad at feelings. He grabbed his phone and made the rash desicion to block Harry's number, so he couldn't text him anymore. He was done, so done.

*

It was two weeks later and Niall was okay again. He wasn't really sad, nor was he really happy, but he was okay and didn't think about Harry anymore. Okay, sometimes he did, but anyway. He saw Harry leaving small hints; liking his pictures on Instagram, adding him as friend on Snapchat. And Niall was proud to say he didn't. He was done, and Harry needed to learn he was not some fucking toy. He was not a cigaret break, he was not a one night stand. If Harry liked him, he was in for the long run, and maybe if they had some sort of break between them, they both could make up their minds about what they really wanted. But Niall was also scared. He had no idea how long he could keep this up, and how long it would be until Harry had found a way to contact him again. He had no idea if he would give in. He didn't want to, but he still had feelings for the prick, sadly. 

But yeah, he was doing okay. He had met some blokes, went out, went to parties, and it was all fun and games. Next week, Zayn would throw one as well, and that is why he was at his place - together with Louis because apparently they made up for a while, seriously, they had problems - planning it. It would be held on a Friday because Saturday was a perfect day for having a hangover and they justed ordered Chinese. Louis had suggested he would buy the booze because he had the legal age and Niall needed to look away when Zayn thanked him because their kissing was disgusting to look at and he was sure that when he left Zayn would give him a thank you - blowjob, too. Niall would take care of the food and it was up to Zayn who he invited, so that was that. Really, Niall had no idea why he came all the way to Zayn's house to discuss this but it was nice seeing him and eventhough he didn't like Louis very much sometimes he was funny, like now, so he didn't really complain.

The doorbel rang and Niall got up to open it, only to frown when he saw Liam with a plastic bag which looked like could contain their food.

"I didn't know you were a delivery boy." Niall mumbled, and Liam shrugged. Niall suddenly felt like a total ass for the way he acted the other day and scratched his neck awkwardly.

"Look, I'm sorry I was so rude the other day, in case he didn't tell you, Harry and I aren't on speaking terms, so.." He trailed off, and Liam gave him a small smile, letting him know it was okay. 

"So I've heard." He said, and of course Niall wanted to know what Harry said, but Zayn beat him to it. 

"Niall, who is it?!" He shouted, and walked over to the door and smiled when he saw Liam. He and Liam were good friends, how Niall had no clue because they were polar opposits, but maybe that was their magic. He did know Louis always had been jealous of Liam because Zayn had something for him when they were younger, but that was gone now, although Niall liked to bring up Liam in their converstation when Louis was acting like a jerk. 

"Liam, my man! What are you doing here?" He asked, not seeing the scooter, the helmet, the bag with food. Niall loved him to bits but he was a bit slow.

"Delivering food, talking to Nialler." He said casually, but it stung 'Nialler' a bit because Harry had came up with that nickname for him and apparenty told his friends about it because Niall sure as hell didn't, it was an embarrassing nickname. Liam realised his mistake and looked sympathetically at Niall, who just shrugged and tried to smile. He and Zayn talked a bit more and Niall walked back to the couch in the living room, waiting for Liam to leave so he could eat.

"What got you knickers in a twist, Irish boy?" Louis asked, and Niall rolled his eyes.

"Liam is about to twist yours, mate." He just said, and saw Louis fly off to the door with a possessive growl. 

*

It was the Friday of the party, and Niall was already at Zayn's, dancing with some people from his class. It was a nice party, but it was still early so a bit boring. He had only two beers, and he wasn't planning on getting smashed either, but that never was his intent and it still happened nine out of ten times. It was only eleven when Zayn walked over to him, with a face like he was about to cry. Niall was sure Louis was behind this and walked with him to the kitchen, which was fairly empty. The few people that did stood there were gone as soon as Niall shot them a glare. He grabbed a seat for Zayn and poured him a glass of water. He placed it on the table next to Zayn and crouched down so he was face-to-face. Zayn started to sniffle and he knew it wasn't long before he would cry. 

"Zayn, look at me. Look at me." He said, calmly but a bit firm. Zayn looked up, eyes red and watery, and it broke Niall to see him like this.

"Louis?" He asked, swallowing the 'again' he was about to say. Zayn just nodded, but didn't make the mistake to look away from Niall. 

"Look, Zayn, I don't know what he did, okay, but it wasn't your fault, yeah? He, as a boyfriend, should make you feel like the world, you deserve that. And if he doesn't think so then fuck him. Who is he? Who the fuck his he, to make you feel like you aren't enough, like you've been walked over, to make you feel so little of yourself that you start to question everything about you? He isn't worth it, Zayn. He is so not worth it." Niall told him, and it didn't take a smart man to tell Niall was speaking from experience. He gave Zayn a sad smile, and froze when he heard a throat being cleared. He really wasn't looking for a fight with Louis.

"Is that what I did to you?" He heard a deep voice ask, hurt, and he turned around to see if it really was him, if it really was Harry.

He looked even better than the last time he had seen him, and it hurt him. 

"If you think you are the only one who can make me feel this way you are even more selfish than I tought." Niall said, and turned around to find some booze. He rushed to the living area, feeling a bit bad for leaving Zayn on his own in such a fragile state but he really needed to get out of there. He found a beer, took three shots of Trojka whisky, a shot of Jaegermeister and a shot of Jack Daniels. Not getting smashed was saved for another party. It was sad that a twenty year old would want to get drunk to get numb but it was his reality and he realised he wasn't doing okay. Harry had hurt him, and it was partly Niall's fault because he gave him a ladder to climb over his walls, at one point he came with a fucking wreckingball to shatter them and now, when he was proper pissed, he could relate to Miley Cyrus. Preach.

He stumbled to the dancefloor where he danced with whatever guy grinded on him, lost the ability to care anyway. The music was blasting, there were more people than a few minutes ago, and the party was finally going. He shouted to some songs, jumping on the table to let the world show his moves which were rubbish but at this point he thought he was the best. It didn't matter anyway. He saw Louis outside, talking to Zayn, who looked like he was about to forgive him, and Niall was sick of it. Their relationship wasn't healthy, and he couldn't live seeing his best friend from week to week in tears because of a fucking boy. This needed to stop now and Nial felt like he was the person to do it. 

He jumped of the table and strided over to the backyard where Zayn and Louis where talking. He tapped Louis on the shoulder and gave him a punch in the face as soon as the lad turned around, hitting his nose hard. He heard Louis grunt and Zayn gasp, and the fucker even held up Louis, looking at Niall with confusion and madness.

"What did you do?!" Zayn shouted, as if it wasn't obvious.

"Something you should have done a long time ago." Niall slurred, and Zayn shook his head, dragging Louis inside. Niall rolled his eyes.

"That wasn't your best move, I'd reckon." He heard that dreadful voice again, and sighed, tunring around to see Harry again.

"Can't you just walk up to people like a normal person instead of pop up out of nowhere, Jesus Christ." Niall said, which made Harry chuckle silently to himself.

"You're drunk." Harry stated.

"No shit."

"Why?" 

"You wouldn't understand." Niall just said, because Harry really wouldn't. He wouldn't get the pain he was feeling in his ears when Harry spoke, wouldn't understand how bad his eyes hurt if he was looking at him, how much his heart hurt when he thought about him. It was something Niall couldn't even comprehend, so how the hell would he explain something that was bigger than himself to Harry, of all people.

"Try me." 

"I don't want to."

He heard Harry sigh, but he honestly couldn't care less. 

"Listen, Niall-"

"No, how about you listen! I don't want to talk to you, or see you, or just think about you, okay?! Please, let me at least have that." Niall whispered the last part, and Harry looked so hurt Nall had to close his eyes, or he knew he would give in. 

"W-Why?" He asked, and Niall realised he wouldn't leave if he at least explained some of his feelings. He sighed, and then it all just came out, like a word-waterfall.

"Because I came here, to have a good time and forget about my pathetic life and how much I hate myself and when I look at you I can't have a good time because it reminds me of all the times I have been so stupid to believe all the fucking things you've said and I can't believe I fell for it all, because I was sure I knew what I was doing before I met you and now I'm just completely lost in my own thoughts and everytime I want to move on you come into my life like nothing happened and maybe that is why I'm so hurt because if you act like nothing happened maybe nothing really did, for you, but for me it was fucking everything. And I'm so tired of this, this in between thing we have going on because I don't deserve that. I want reassurance, wether you want me or not because, fuck, I at least deserve that." He said, panting when he was done. Harry looked so hurt and so small, but Niall felt, he felt releaved. That was what he wanted to say to Harry, maybe not even everything, but at least he said something, and the booze made him forget he basically opened up to him again. 

"You do deserve that." Harry only said, and Niall really had no idea what to say to that because Harry was agreeing with him and he expected a fight, expected Harry would stand up for himself, but he didn't. And Harry looked like he knew he was wrong, and now Niall was scared, because this is exactly why he liked Harry, and he didn't know how long it would be before he forgave him again.

But then he thought about Zayn, and about Louis, and how he had punched Louis, and realised Louis was Zayn's Harry, and now he could almost cry because if Zayn would have punched Harry, he would've reacted the same way Zayn did. And Zayn did that because he loved Louis, and Niall started realising a lot more, and it was just too much for his intoxicated brain to handle.

"I love you, you giant dick." Niall croaked, and Harry looked up from the ground, eyes watery and jaw on the floor. He didn't say anything, but Niall was okay with that.

"I need to apologise." He just said and ran of inside, but not before he told Harry to wait for him here, to which the latter nodded. He pushed people aside, and figured Zayn and Louis must have gone to the bathroom to take care of the bloody nose he was sure he had given Louis. He flew up the stairs and busted into the bathroom, and closed it immediately because oh my god Louis was very close to Zayn's dick and this day was traumatic already. He cursed when he heard the bathroom door open and slowly turned around so see a blushing Zayn and an angry looking Louis. 

"What?" Louis barked, and Niall would have peed his pants a little if he wasn't drunk. 

"You're Zayn's Harry." Niall said, and the confusion could be tasted. 

"What?" Louis asked again, this time not angry, just clueless. 

"Look, I am sorry I punched you, I shouldn't have done that. But I can't have you hurting Zayn anymore. I know he doesn't see it but you are his heroine, yeah? And I can't let you ruin him. But I guess I don't have the right to speak, as I let Harry ruin me. I just want Zayn to make better choices than me, and you've got to help him. And if you love him, you would." He said, and walked away. He should get drunk more often, he became so wise. 

He walked down to the garden, to find Harry, but to his surprise, he wasn't there. He was about to cry, was about to smash the flowerpots of Zayn's mum, when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Harry. 

"No worries, I'm not leaving." Harry said, voice raspy and Niall saw his eyes were red. He didn't want to think about what that meant because if Harry was hurt that hurt him as well. 

"I thought you could use this." He gave Niall a glass of water which he downed in one go. Unable to stand on his feet anymore, Niall let himself fall down on his ass in the grass, Harry following his actions. They sat like that for a while in silence, both not knowing what to say, but Niall wanted for Harry to speak up. 

"Niall, I know I have treated you badly, and I want you to know that was never my intention. No, let me finish this." Harry said quickly when Niall wanted to interrupt. 

"That was never my intention. I know you are insecure, you told me. I remember everything you told me. But, I am insecure as well, you know. And I told you. I was afraid to let you down, because behind my phone I can be fun and all that, but in person I'm just this fuck up and I didn't want you to see that. That is no excuse for hurting you though. And I promise, if you are willing to give me another chance, I won't let you down, not this time. I'm in love with you, and I want to do this right. Do you think we can start over?" 

Niall thought about it. He was willing to give Harry another chance, he was. But his trust was demaged, by the only person who could fix it, and he was faced with a dilemma. And then he thought about Zayn and Louis and heroine, and he made his decision. 

"Hi, I'm Niall, and you are my heroine." 

"Hi, I'm Harry, and you're my right choice."


End file.
